***GENERAL BEHAVIOR***
1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
2. It's considered poor taste to take a Budweiser cooler to church
even if the NASCAR races do start at noon.
3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets (preferably clean sheets - if not shake the old ones out the window
and leave hanging for a day or two to air out).
4. Even if you're certain you are included in the will, it is still
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
***DINING OUT ***
1. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his
manners are unless you know the person a day or two.
***PERSONAL HYGIENE ***
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several weeks. However, if you live alone... Deodorant is a waste of beer money.
***DATING (Outside the Family)***
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday."
If the latter is the answer, it is the guy's responsibility to get
her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance,
such
as, "ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."
***WEDDINGS***
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift unless
itis a small animal and you can gut and serve it in a timely manner.
2. Kissing and/or fondling the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with
cummerbund and a clean Home Depot shirt can create too sporty an
appearance unless you plan to gut and prepare an animal for the
ceremony. Sometimes you can find something which you can "dunk and dry" in the nearest body of water is appropriate in that case.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks, shoes and clean
underwear for this special occasion.
***DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is
loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, with the window down, especially when driving - unless there are no passengers in the back seat.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
***TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER***
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
3. Impossible to match buckshot to a shotgun!
***Note*** Same rules apply to *Illegal Aliens*=
