"True" Friendship
Enough of that Sissy Crap!
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems
That always sound good,
But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises
That actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy
Little smiley faces on this card -
Just the stone cold truth
Of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad -- I will
Help you get drunk and plot revenge
Against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will
Try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will
Know you are plotting something
That I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will
Rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will
Tell you horrible stories about
How much worse it could be,
Until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will
Use little words.
7. When you are sick -- I will
Tell you to stay the hell away from me
Until you are well again.
I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will
Point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath....
I pledge it to the end.
"Why?" you may ask.
"Because you're my friend!"
Friendship is like
Peeing your pants:
Everyone can see it,
But only you can
Feel the true warmth.
Send this to 10
Of your closest friends,
Then get depressed
Because you can only think of 4.
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