Your last name stays put
The garage is all yours
Wedding plans take care of themselves
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park
You can wear "no" T-shirt to a water park
Car mechanics tell you the truth
The world is your urinal
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too icky
Same work, more pay
Wrinkles add character
Wedding dress $5000; Tux rental $100
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
One mood - all the time
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
You know stuff about tanks
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase
You can open all your own jars
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough
You almost never have strap problems in public
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes
Everything on your face stays its original color
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
You only have to shave your face and neck
You can play with toys all your life
Your belly usually hides your big hips
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes!
