August 30, 2006, 06:30:am
I was driving home from taking my roommate to work and my mind started racing with different thoughts to help keep me a wake.
Boy did it wake me up lmao.
I got into thinking about what kinds of things I should put in this journal thingymajig. What came to mind is more information about me purrsonaly. How I think. How I feel. Things like that. How else are you the reader (even if that reader is only me) supposed to understand my way of thinking. My struggles with the weight.
The main thing I got into thinking about is my internet family. How ironic that first thing that comes to mind are all my past and present internet friends. The family I talk to but never see. The family that I can open up to even though they may be thousands of miles away.
I've been using the internet since about 1998. It was about a year after my mom died.
Boy did it change my life.
I love talking to people from all over the world. I've talked to people in China, Scottland, Brazil, Canada, New Zealand, England and many other countries. It is so awesoem to talk to them about their cultures and share mine.
Many people have touched my life and improved it. I can only hope that in some way I've improved even just a partial percentage of those that I've touched. I'll never know for certain but I can hope.
My first group of internet friends, we met via aol chatrooms. Pets chatroom. Several of us got pretty close and we wound up becoming the Nut gang lmao. We each had a nut nickname. I was Peanut. Boy the giggles we had. That group touched me in a pet way. Tweety (I won't use real names just partial internet names so they are kept private) made my christmas that year by sending me the most beautiful pine flower arrangement with MickeyMouse center piece. I was stunned to have to wake up to a flower arrangement delivery! But gradually our lives changed and we faded away from each other.
Then came another group of friends. Yet again, there was a lot of laughter. I set my purrsonal record of constant talking to 1 purrson with that group. We talked for 14 hours straight one night. Talk about long lol. I thought eventually this group might end up as a couple pairs lmao. Of course it didn't work out that way. This group touched me with music and major laughter. But gradually our lives changed and we faded away from each other.
Yet again another group of friends came. Another tightnit 4some. We actually did become pairs within this group. I found my first soul-sister and she paired off with one of the guys and I got engaged to the 2nd male. But as things will happen, problems arose and we got torn apart. I still talk with my soul-sister but not the others. This group touched me in a religous way. I began my path to becoming the ecclectic pagan I am now. This group changed my life quite drastically. Yet another faded away group but this time part of it stuck for good even through nasty fight that nearly tore our sisterhood apart. The Goddess brought us back together though.
Another group of friendships came again. And I still talk with most of them. I adore them. We may not talk as much as we used to but I still feel the close bond with them. Unfortunatly, the bond with my 2nd soul-sister was recently severed. I can only hope one day she will understand and give in with an appology. I can hope but I'll not yeild. I miss her horribly but I'll not yeild until I hear the 2 words I deserve from her.
And now I have another group friendship. My biggest one yet. The most diverse friendships I've had yet :) Some of its faded but still growing strong. I know one day it will fade in ways but we will still be friends.
As I still believe I am friends with almost all of those I talked to in the past. Once someone's touched your life, that touch will remain for a life time.
I guess the main reason why I felt I should talk about that is because I needed to remember them all at one time. For a few brief moments today, I am living in the past. Thinking of all my friends. Hoping that they may think of me as fondly every now and then. And have no regrets at how things went.
I know I don't. They are all in my heart. Even those that I became unfriendly with (save for one) I think of tonight with fondness and thankful for their touches. And miss our talks and closeness.
But as time goes, a time of evolvement happened and I've little regretes other then missing them.
I've worn a few nicknames in my internet life. Peanut, MissBongWater (lmao that one because of a joke), SunsetLioness,SunsetTigeress, KrazyKatt and fading into WyldKatt now. Each nickname evolved as I evolved and grew. Kind of like shedding a skin. Always a part of me but also part of a past that I left behind.
That I've struggled to conquer. That I have conquered.
I'm shedding another "skin" per sey. This time will be my most drastic. This time will be where the shy, timid, freakish Crystal, will become the strong, vibrant, outgoing WyldKatt.
No matter how wyld my life storms will get now. NO matter how horrible or frightening, I'm going to ride those storm winds with a grin on my lips, a twinkle in my eye and loud laughter from my lungs.
Because I'm becoming truely alive.
More to be written later.
Mood:Frisky and tired lol
