Mistress Tonie's blog: "Poetry"

Would thee enjoy thy sunrise with colors of pink and blue upon the Eastern shores?  Would thee enjoy thy sunset of orange and purple the same upon the Western shores?  Doeth thee breath feel as the pedals of silk roses soft and sweet upon thine’s cheek?  As thine treasures all secrets untold thy has become a gem thine holds close.  Thee are thine sunrise and sunset.  Thee are thy golden moon before the stars shine through the broken path thine travels down on dreary nights of pain.  Thee are thine everything upon thy ocean waves of time.
 
 
 
Alone in silence consumed with thought and fear.  Falling into a tunnel of darkness.  Consumed with my own destruction of shame.  Knowing change makes no difference.  Changing inside and out still leaves me lonely and in despair.  Tears rain upon a pillow as acknowledgement eludes the wonderment of these ears.  Turmoil in chaos over what should never be.  A hear reaching with hands in need.  No lips to speak forgotten words no ears to hear the screams.  Am I destined to live in a box unnoticed, unspoken, unheard, and broken?
 
 
 
The saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is a joke.  Granted I should be paralyzed and almost dead but how has that made me stronger?  How has being beat, raped, and abused made me stronger?  It hasn’t. It has made me fear everyone and everything.  Decisions are not what I can make on my own without someone telling me what to do.  I only bring pain and no longer know how to love.  So it has only made me weak in the end.
 
 
 
Life is full of streams of sun rays.  Wintry snow glistening upon the ground.  Changing colors of leaves in the fall as we close our eyes.  Raindrops pouring down in the spring as flowers begin to blossom under our feet.  Laughter echo’s as summer brings out the childhood innocence.  Then days turn to night and shadows are cast.  Innocence lost to the abandoned ships.  Life slips away from one’s finger tips.
 
 
 
Let the breeze of wintry days lift me and carry me away.  Let the tears flow like raging rivers of yesterday.  Allow the breath I take in pain and vain finally come to an end.  Just let there be no more me.
 
 
 
As the days grow cold and long under my feet I feel life slipping away like death of spring in the fall.  Nothing feels the void within the walls closing in around me.  Each breath meaning less than the one before.  The shine in my eyes dissipating as happiness fades to darkness.
 
 
 
As a butterflies wings of a feather and a rose pedal on the wind a distant memory has freed me from sin.  My heart left broken unhealed in the wind.  Angels kiss now a blessing upon your lips.  In the end my life was nothing lived in vain and pain.
 
 
 
Let the blood drain from my veins as my last breath floats upon the wind.  Shed no tears as missing me would only be a sin.  A life that I wasted will never be shared.
 
 
There’s no hope in my eyes to find happiness where once my heart found joy and smiles.  Tears form to pour a river.  Now sadness lies upon a pure soul.  Goodbye to love or happiness within this life.
 
 
 
The world crashes around a pure heart.  Never will it look upon the rising or setting of the sun again. A walk in the spring rain will never feel the same.  A new appreciation is what a heart has when life is seeming to fade and be drained from breath it takes.
 
 
 
The clouds roll as the thunder echoes through the skies because tonight an angel has fallen victim to life.  But will anyone notice that she’s gone?
 
 
 
Darkness surrounds the very being that I should be.  The light around me dims upon the coldness that over comes me.  Life pushes for what is beyond its reach.  Even words have become a mystery far out of grasp.  Nothing and worth becomes enslaved to hurting and meaningless hearts that dissipate like the seasons that change into hopelessness.
 
 
 
As my body begins to drain of all hope and feeling shivering with layers of clothing upon it.  Life force draining to be no more.  ~kisses you as if for last time curling in your arms~.  There’s nothing left I can’t hold on any more as there is no hope.  Goodnight forever M’Lord.  Thank you.  I’m sorry that I’ve failed you yet once again.
 
 
 
A heart lied to and destroyed from being naive to believe.  Hope is no longer there.  It bleeds in the end.  It’s giving up since no one cares.  This is it I will no longer live in despair.  Life sucked from a living being cause alone is its destiny.  Goodbye to loves once known.  In the wind it flies free.  Life never needed me. ~tears streaming as I now let go.  I won’t be missed only forgotten upon the myst~.
 
 
 
 
 
 
The full moon shining upon a heart that hurt a friend, lover, protector.  This heart in pieces from the lie it told.  It hurt someone who deserved more.  Now it lies alone with its own turmoil.  Forgiveness it asks for and is yet unknown.  It understands not only why it couldn’t have physical yet knows it was for purposes untold.  He loved this heart even when others threw it away.  How can this heart be whole again?
 
 
 
Darkness surrounds the light like the decent into a cave.  Hope is lost as life begins to fade.  Beauty loses its meaning since it can’t be found.  A woman only a disease that kills all around.  She falls apart and no one’s there to catch her.  There’s no faith to be given.  Her husband is unfaithful.  Caring and love diminish from her being.
 
 
 
Pain vibrates through me like lightening in the sky.  Tears well up in my eyes and I hide.  There is no choice because others ignore my pain.  I know now that I’ll suffer that pain alone. 
 
 
 
I was strong, safe, secure, and confident and now I’m nothing.  I’ve become the storm cloud rather than the sun.  The puddle rather than the bridge.  The demon rather than the angel.  I’m the one not worth being near or with.  The one’s feelings and emotions that go unheard or pushed aside.  My tears are worth nothing nor is my pain.  To die would be a blessing but enduring heartache, pain and deceit is all this being deserves.
 
 
 
Wandering pondering of thoughts of sweet nothingness.  Feelings running down this empty train.  Decisions only I can make.  But what does it take to be me?  I contemplate taking a last breath to end pain and suffering of all around me but courage eludes me of what I must do.  Some say that taking my last breath is cowardess.and selfish but how is stopping pain any of that?  Maybe I feel nothing or maybe too much.  If being so non understanding of who a person is cause you don’t know about them gives you the right to judge then my being has no place among the breathing.
 
 
 
Pain vibrates through my inner being.  Pain of wanting you near me.  To touch me in every place that’s unknown in this galaxy.  Pleasure growing within.  Sensing the tip of your manhood caressing my hot moist mound.  Your tongue flicking each nipple as you plunge deep inside of me.  My moans growing louder as you bring me to ecstasy.
False friends

 
 
False friends with lies and betrayals.  Nothing true in a world spinning out of control.  Head spinning out of control.  There’s no where to turn and no where to go.  Learning that I’m in a world of lies, sorrow, and despair.  A place that I have never belonged.  The days drag into nights like cars on a drag strip.  Nothing making sense in a world of loneliness.


Lost
Lost within a world of hatred and despair.
There is no where to turn and no where to run
Roses wilt even on a spring day
There is not enough rain to quench my thirst
Thunder echoes through the silence that I hear
Lightening doesn’t even begin to brighten the darkness around me
I am losing control and there is no one there to catch me
I feel the air around me as I begin the decent from the sky
The concrete seeming so far away
I just want it all to end
The lies and accusing eyes need to disappear
Games were fun at a time but now they have become hurtful
I can’t deal any more
Let me wilt and die like the leaves in the fall
I know that I am no one to anybody
What I say hasn’t mattered in so many days
The years drift by like the seasons changing
There is no time to get used to anything any longer
My life is driven by the hate that lives in me
That will never change or it will change me
I need to find that lonely place to belong and not be judged
But where is it?
Is there a place of serenity to find that peace we all look for?
Is this all just a dream that we drift through until happiness is found?
Days go by
 
Days grow long and cold as a woman treads through the trenches of a dreary heartache.  A heart pure like wintry snow. Hair as black as the midnight star struck sky.  Loving and caring for all around.  Asking and wanting very little from life that flutters around her like the soft delicate wings of a butterfly.  Destined to find a place to belong within a world of darkness, hatred, pain, and selfishness. Where does a fallen angel find a place among the chaos of disrespect?  Does this woman deserve to belong no where or be appreciated for the things that she tries to do for others?



Questions

 I sit alone crying but why?
Is there no need to concern thy own self?
Why do you need to cause such pain?
Was my heart not worth caring for?
Was everything about this fallen angel to much for you to handle?
You said you wouldn’t leave and run yet why are you running now?
Why did you have to lie to me?
Can you not face the truth that the abuse was really that bad?
Was it to hard for you to take precautions and use a light hand?
Was my apology just too much for you to take?
My questions deserve answers now will you answer them?


Raging War of the Heart

 My heart sits pounding out a song in rhythm
A rhythm to the sound of a war it rages upon itself
Thunder shuddering through my veins
Lightening making my aura grow brighter
Stars falling like a comet shooting through the sky
Skin milkier than that of the Milky Way
There is no end in sight for the raging war
Silence begins to grow as the sounds of nature die
Hair becoming that of the days of fall
Changing colors until it slowly fades away
Darkness surrounds the eyes the color of rain
No spark or song to any longer sing
The heart breaks for reasons unknown
Loving a person that will never know
Hating it self because of what it has become
Before this heart was full of love and compassion
Now it rings only pain and destruction
The heart has reached to the limits and back
Knowing that it is ignored it continues to try
In the end the feelings never change
This is the raging war of the heart
 
 
Tears of Heartache
 
The tears fall like rain in the spring for a love hidden deep as a corpse buried in the sea.  To tell him would be to push him away like a kite in the wind.  I am lost with feelings of love like debris flying upon the crowded streets. Storms upon the ocean waves crashing around a heart. Thunder echoes through the ears of the deaf as lightening flashes on eyes of the blind.  Missing the tenderness of a heartbeat that feels my senses with aromas of rose gardens.  Longing for that slight touch that slivers through my body like a snake through the tumbleweeds of the desert.  Reaching towards the wounded heart that pulls away like the anchor upon a ship.  A fight to reel him in like a trout on a fishing rod.  One wounded heart reaching for the other to hold each other down from blowing away amongst the winds in the eye of a tornado.