There's a terrible feeling you get when you're heart is broken.
It's like...an aching inside ya that you can't quite put you're finger on.
And it's irritating because it's constant.
For a second, I was hoping it was just indigestion.
And there's a numbness that comes with it.
Numb that stretches from the tip of your tongue to the flats of your feet.
It's like a painstakingly slow paralyzation.
And you have to force yourself to literally feel the things you come in contact with.
Maybe because things just don't feel real anymore...
Since what you once thought was real is no longer.
You realize how much someone cares when they have to fight for you.
And when they don't attempt to put up a fight, it's as if a veil has been lifted…
As you trace back every moment you've spent together you realize that they never cared at all. And you realize just how hard you believed they did. And it's insane because it is at that moment, and that moment only, that you can actually remember and relive every second. (As if it couldn't get any worse...)
Then, you wonder how this facade of light and warmth, of hugs and kisses and of dreams come true, could've gone on for so long…for what felt like forever.
Every time I fall for someone new, I realize that the last wasn't love at all. And it feels good to realize that I might've found it this time because last time, I was just young and stupid.
But you can only be young and stupid for so long…
Eventually, you're just wrong.
A fear is instilled in you each time you realize just how wrong you were…
It's another piece of trust and another piece of hope carved right out of you.
But these pieces get bigger, the deeper into love you get.
And all it takes is one great love to render you forever hopeless and doubtful.
You've successfully become nothing but a shell…
Wondering what people want from you and how far they'll go to get it.
Wondering how badly he could hurt you without even trying.
Wondering how long you're actually going to be alone.
When I think of being alone…
I ask myself if I'm just going to fall into the arms of anyone who won't make me feel alone in that moment, when he holds me…Or if I'm capable of holding out for someone worth my time…who wants my time.
Then, I move from the future to the past…
Was I with him because he made me comfortable?
Because his arms felt better around me than that of the next guy?
Or because anyone's (within reason) body heat is sufficient?
Just when I thought I had solved the problem…
When I figured out that letting go was the best thing to do…
An ungodly number of questions threaten to bury me alive.
And each shot at the right answer is another nail in my coffin.
And as I sit here, I'm signing my life away…
Dying to answer questions that are without solutions.
But there's no combination of words or phrases that can save me...
