Ragdoll's blog: "good stuff"

Subject : Ironies Posted Date: : Apr 9, 2009 8:46 PM

Today My Husband Joe and I got the motorcycle out and decided to go over to our son's home.

We were going over to help fix a tire on the Durango that had gone flat then with air put in it, started bulging out from the sides.

It had to be fixed as all the grandkids are in for spring break up from Peoria and that is the family transportation.  Joe decides to take a different route than normal, which was fine.  He is a creature of habit but it was a nice day to be out on the bike, so deviating from the norm was a welcome change.

We get down on South main past Mulberry and we are passing a park. I see a woman sitting on a park bench alone. I told my husband to turn around and go back. We park on the side road and I get off the bike. I walk up to the woman approaching slowly.

In todays society and in this part of town,  an approaching stranger could be somewhat intimidating. I did not know what her reaction would be and I certainly did not want to scare her.

It was apparent she was a street girl. Homeless and her clothing was whatever she had been able to scrounge. Probably from a shelter. She was very much in need of a bath. Her hair all matted and beyond filthy. She had been thru alot, brutal things. The deep gash on her head suggested a fight for her life. I absorbed and processed all of this initially, then walked up towards the front of her and asked her if the seat next to her on that park bench was taken. She looked up at me and then said no go ahead and sit down.

It took a couple of long pauses and staring me deeply squarely in my eyes for her to recognise me. After a few OMG's...I was asked to sit down beside her. I told her not before I got a hug.

It had been at least 3 years since I had seen her last. I wondered what she was doing here alone in this park.

I asked her when she had eaten last and she said the name of some church that feeds the homeless that she goes too. She told me she had been recently beaten and raped by some unknown man, for refusing his request for oral sexual services for $10.00. She had tried to run from him, and found refuge briefly under a car. But he caught up with her,drug her out from under it and started wailing on her. Someone called the police and the assailant got away but they hauled her in on charges of prostitution anyway.

I knew last time I heard anything about her was a news report last year, she was picked up in a sting operation.  Everytime this town found a womans body,I wondered if it would be her. She didnt look good, and I was afraid to ask her if she was with child. She appears to be about 5 months along but I wasnt for sure.

Her mind wandered alot in conversation and i could tell there was alot of extreme paranoia going on. I gave her what smokes and cash I had to spare. I had to go. I wanted to scoop my Blood sister up, take her home and clean her up...but I have been there and done that route before and the end result was always the same. Id be robbed blind by morning, then her pimps would come around strong arming and threatening me and my family for her "debts".

Id put her into motel rooms and then they would rob the place and the motel would come after me for the damages since I got the room for her to begin with.

On and on........Its hard walking away. I feel selfish and guilty. All I could do was give her my love. Then walk away.

Mental Illness, Drugs, being HIV Positive, and a Prostitute hasnt killed her yet, but to me the sister I knew and loved might as well be dead.

She was going to be a model, and marry a lawyer and have it much better than I ever had it in life.  18 years ago she was kidnapped, raped and left for dead,walking home from her job. 2 babies lost their mother then and she hasnt been the same since. Her fiance lawyer backed out on his oppurtunity to have a trophy wife and her pattern of self destruct started then.

The Irony of it all...The most beautiful girl I knew is a hollow shell of a woman living the ugliest of lives and sicker than she even realizes....

She walks away blessed and deliriously happy that she spent some time with me today and I am walking away sickend to my core that I am helpless and powerless to help her.....

That I pride myself for being a strong capable woman, yet faced against the strength and sheer willpower she has to display to survive the streets and its corrupt life just to make it thru the next 24 hours alive.... I am the one who is weak!

Except for the Grace Of God Almighty, there go I!

It could be me.

Keep my sister in your thoughts and prayers, and for all of those who live much more dangerous lives than what we face.

Love the hell out of the ones close to you, never let one moment go by without sharing with them your love and affection. In a heartbeat it can all change. I carry with me a certain amount of guilt, its pointless yet it serves to remind me of what is important in this world, and that terrible awful things can and do happen to those who least deserve them and we are just one situation away from living a life such as my sister lives, thru no fault of our own.

We are not promised tommorrow, and even if it was would we suddenly find ourselves without our own minds,or loved ones or resources to get us thru? Just some food for thought more for me than anyone else, but Thank you for taking the time to listen to my heart today!

Live Laugh and above All Else...Keep Loving! ~RAGDOLL~