I used to play the what if game. I used to start it out like, what if I had gone to CIA and become a chef? Where would I be, I'll tell you I'd be in NYC working at some hip little cafe, with a little loft apartment, living my dream. Maybe I'd have a man, maybe I'd be alone. But in my what if game I was always happy. So I'm trying very hard to not play the what if game anymore. What if He and I don't work, well I don't know. What if I choose someone else, that again I don't know. What if we are still together in two years...Would he want to marry this mess of a person? What if I didn't have my kids? What if my ex stops being in their lives? What if I lose myself to you Brad, what will happen? Will you help me up when I am down? Will you teach the boys to throw a ball? How to build a fire, tie knots, and be polite? What if I stayed single would I be happy, this I know the answer to, no I don't think I would be happy without you in my life. I think my days would be grey, and I would have trouble getting out of bed. I think you would not allow me to play the what if game, because being with you I would not need to. I don't need to wonder how you will treat me for the most part, I don't need to wonder about you being faithful to me, I don't need to wonder about you loving me the way I need to be loved. I know eventually you will love me, and you will hold me, and you will calm me down when I need it the most. You will be there for me, you will defend me, you will make sure people in your life respect me. So I could play what if, but I'd be stupid to.
