* You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
* You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
* Job interfering with your drinking.
* Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
* Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
* The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
* Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
* 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
* Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
* You can focus better with one eye closed.
* The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
* You fall off the floor...
* Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
* Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
* Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
* At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... Uh..."
* Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
* The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
* You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Pretzels
* Roseanne looks good.
* Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
* That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.
* Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
* "I'm as jober as a sudge."
* The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
* You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.
