Somber thoughts
tears sliding down my face
fear racing through me
like the devil is on my heels
praying for the salvation
the chance to be just me
finding that chance
but unable to prove myself
except for these words i write
my gifts to you
for its all i have left
you have everything else
to question is normal
to go without fear
is foolish
i just wish
but wishes will wait for another day
while you contemplate life
and i sit and wait
as patiently as i can
and wondering just like you
why me
why now
after i gave up hope
and deciding that settling was safer
why did you make me want it all again
i had given up on everything
and was content to watch the world go by
why did you have to make me feel again
why did you have to make my heart beat again
i was safe there in my own world
no one could hurt me again
and here i am hurting
because i am unable to prove myself
just yet
my hands are shaking
my words are blurred by tears
i can not protect myself anymore
my defenses are down
and you are inside my head
your words offer hopes and dreams
and your intentions are good
i believe this
i do
but my tears still fall
my mind still wonders
if when you do see me
will you stay or will you go
i have to trust you
for you have it all
no longer numb
but sometimes wishing i was
everything is streaming through my head
because of damage done by others
anger and fear feaster inside me
words of other echos louder and louder
cringing still after all these years
fear not of you but of myself
i am raw with emotions
never felt before
to devouring to be mere illusions
to true to be anything less than reality
a willingness to be true to myself
and to you
a time to breathe
breathe through this too
it shall pass
i accept this as my reality
you and yours
me and mine
and ours
i see you as the man among the boys
i see you as you see me
and i see things left unsaid
for what ever reasons
but i trust you to say them when it is right
i trust you
with my heart
becareful it is fragile and it has been broken before by less cautious hands
i will not doubt you
unless actions do not follow your words
take the time you need
for i am staying right here
waiting....
to hear your voice again
those words of ours
and the time when we will finally be together
because
I love you
sweetdreams my love
