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..foremost, dont assume this is a silly lil fubar romance gone awry.. those of you who kno me kno better.. that said, ive hurt the most genuine love of my life, in some way, today. yes, im married and my mays is my dearest friend in life; always has been.. and he's the most amazing daddy to my veda.. and my home and my friends and my world are beautiful and happy and fulfilling.. but stevil is my true 'One'. the one who balances the weight.. who settles my crazy head.. who nourishes my soul.. who holds me more carefully than anyone else.. who touches me more deeply than anyone else.. who carries me on bad days and blows me away on good ones.. the one who has, single handedly, made me feel beautiful and meaningful and at ease with myself.. the one whom i feel most comfortable with.. he's my soul mate. my family knows he's in my life.. my husband is even grateful for him.. its THAT genuine..that tangible.. but somehow, today, i lost him along the way.. and now im just fucking lost in the wake. i dont kno what happened.. but he's hurt and silent.. and its my fault. he doesnt deserve to hurt.. he's beautiful and good and precious. not sure what i intend to accomplish with this.. maybe to ask you all to go love him, please, for me? he deserves all the love in the world.. it troubles me.. it devastates me.. to think of him in pain or dismay or anger. this isnt about me, mind u.. im not important right now.. he is. make him smile? it'll help me fucking breathe.. thank you for reading. -mel
