ok well the last few days have been totally different from the past several weeks. i have actually gone away from some of my core beliefs and morals and values, like i had any to begin with. actually i do. u know i was raised in a different era is seems like. i believe in givin every person a chance no matter what. i believe that you should never judge a book by its cover because the interesting stuff is what is inside. i have met some beautiful people who others would have never given a second chance because of their looks. i just dont get why the people who think they are "beautiful" think they dont have flaws. everyone on this earth has flaws. i have a great personality, i am a loyal friend, i am a great listener, so whats my flaw? my weight? if thats the only flaw i have in your eyes then i am as close to perfect as i could think of. you get with someone and you learn all their "flaws" and what "flaws" you think they have, but the longer you get to know someone the more you fall in love with them as a person. you could be the hottest guy with the hottest girl but if shes an airhead or all boobs and no brains then you get what you deserve. well after this difficult process that i have been through i soon have come to realize the value of a true friend. a person who thje first time you talk to them you are on the phone for 3 hours. a person that can finish your thoughts and knows your feelings. if there was something else that came from this i would be happy, estatic. you think that the person you are with is the "one" your split apart that is who you are meant to be with but then...feelings change. i thought i was with the love of my life. all my hopes and dreams that had gotten tweaked because of the man he was. of course he was not the knight in shining armor i thought was there to sweep me off my feet. the most handsome man i could find, so maybe he wasnt rich or at the time had a job. maybe he wasnt the most romantic man that would kiss me behind my ear and tell me i was everything he had ever wanted. especially since my whole life i was told what i couldnt do because i was too fat. when people told me no i accepted their view. fat girls only have fat friends, fat girls are automatically every bullies target, fat girls dont have dates, they babysit the pretty girls little siblings. fat girls are the ones you tell anything to and they will never tell anyone, fat girls will do anything for you just to be able to live through your life. a fat girl will always give you compliments cause they could never be prettier than you. i know the most popular comment i heard was "oh my god i am so fat in these jeans" then the look to me, my response...are u kidding me u are so skinny you wanna talk about fat try putting my pants on. i used to do all this because i had no self worth as a real person. i was just the lovable mascot that was used for my car, my money, and when people needed their ego stroked. well attention "beautiful people" i dont do that anymore!!!!!! fuck you if you think you are so great and above everyone else. i am worth it and so are you. everyone is worth it, every person should have self worth and feel like the most beautiful person in the world. put a person down and you are the ugly one. think about it
