KISSMIKITTYPINK's blog: "Just Jokes"

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and puts the guy's dick in the clamp. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "STOP! STOP! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO.. TO.. CUT IT OFF, ARE YOU???!?" The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye: "Nope. You are. I'm going to set

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you. " To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

This is the craziest thing I've seen in a long time. U have to get out of your seat and walk away from your computer. People may think you're crazy. But it's well worth it. When you look at this picture in a closer look you see its?Albert Einstein. But if you stand?15 feet away,? It will become?Marilyn Monroe

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super. ' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground. ' She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one. ' To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Biatch!

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a > problem. > > I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing. > > 'What do they say?' the priest inquired. > > They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' > > 'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment. > > 'You know, he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two > male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. > Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the > cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to > pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that > phrase in no time. ' > > 'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this might be the solution. ' > > The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's > house. > > As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were > inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, > she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. > > After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: > 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' > > There was a stunned silence. > > Then, one male parrot looked over at the other one and said, > 'Put the beads away Frank, our prayers have been answered!

..I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washclo th in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure y ou do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I did n 't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal ... Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it. " NEVER EVER GOING BACK TO THAT DOCTOR EVER.

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy. 'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?' The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong

A SAMOAN man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only SAMOAN man there. As he sat down, he noticed a WHITE man behind him. The WHITE man said, "COLORED people are not allowed here. " The SAMOAN man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen UFA...(Fucker)when I was born, I was BROWN. When I grew up, I was BROWN. When I'm sick, I'm BROWN. When I go in the sun, I'm BROWN. When I'm cold, I'm BROWN. When I die, I'll be BROWN. But you UFA... (Fucker)when you're born, you're PINK. When you grow up you're WHITE. When you're sick you're GREEN. When you go in the sun you turn RED. When you're cold you turn BLUE and when you die you turn PURPLE. AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL ME COLORED?!"......

MEET CRYSTAL METH!!!! Meet Mr. and Mrs. Crystal Meth. I destroy homes – I tear families apart. I take your children and that's just a start. I'm more valued than diamonds, more precious than gold. The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. If you need me, remember, I'm easily found. I live all around you, in school and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor. I live just down the street and maybe next door. I'm made in a lab, but not one like you think. I can be made under the kitchen sink, In your child's closet, and even out in the woods. If this scares you to death, then it certainly should. I have many names. But there's one you'll know best. I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is Crystal Meth. My power is awesome, try me, you'll see. But if you do, you may never break free. Just try me once and I might let you go. But if you try me twice, then I'll own your soul. When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie. You'll do what you have to do, just to get high. The crimes you commit for my narcotic chars, Will be worth the pleasures you feel in my arms. You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad. When you see their tears, you must feel sad. Just forget your morals and how you were raised. I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways. I take kids from their parents; I take parents from their kids. I turn people from God, I separate friends. I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride. I'll be with you always, right by your side. You'll give up everything, your family, your home. Your money, your true friend, then you'll be alone. I'll take and take till you have no more to give. When I finish with you, you'll be lucky to live. If you try me, be warned, this is not a game. If I'm given the chance, I'll drive you insane. I'll ravage your body; I'll control your mind. I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares I'll give you when you're lying in bed, And the voices you'll hear from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, and the visions from me. I want you to know these things are gifts from me. But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart That you are now mine and we shall not part. You'll regret that you tried me (they always do). But you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you've been told. But you challenged my power, You chose to be bold. You could have said no and then walked away. If you could live that day over now, what would you say? My power is awesome, as I told you before. I can take your life and make it so dim and sore. I'll be your master and you'll be my slave. I'll even go with you when you go to your grave. Now that you've met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? It's all up to you. I can show you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, let me lead you to HELL.