do you believe in fate? destiny? i do i think we were all put here for a reason and the people that come in and out of our lives are put there by divine intervention to leave their mark on our lives. i have been fortunate enough to have some great people who have come into my life and great great people leave my life. even though sometimes i seem a little jaded but thats just the mask i wear at the time. when my husband said he was not happy and wanted to leave my mind went racing. what did i do to deserve this? what did i do that would make him want to leave. but sometimes i look at it and think it was meant to be. we both enriched each others lives. he actually taught me that i was worthy of being loved and most of all being a mother when i thought that to be impossible. its been so long since i posted last and thats because all the crazy things in my life that keep me from putting my feelings down as much as i would like to. i find this to be a great release and hopfully a learning tool for others to realize when u feel like your at your lowest point in your life u just gotta pick your ass up and keep going. i get frustrated a lot because i cant have a life like my ex does. he can come and go as he pleases if he wanted he could stay at someones elses house and not have to worry if his son is at home still getting sick. this kinda angers me a lot of times when i wanna go do things, even to just get out of the house for some me time but i am first and foremost a mommy now and my boys will always come first in my list of priorities. and i know that is the right choice i make everyday when i look into their faces and see unconditional love for me in their big beautiful eyes. my oldest is like my ex in so many ways and a lot of times my heart hurts knowing that i dont have that constant companion anymore, the one i can tell everything and anything to and never fear being judged. but then i look and think sometimes that i dont want my son to turn out like his dad but i dont have the luxury of molding him into the perfect man. my youngest is like me, laid back funny and just a constant source of free entertainment. his eyes show love and fear at the same time as all kids do growing up. they know that they want to please all the adults in their life and have fun with the other kids but at the same time everything is a new experience for him and as apprehensive as i would have been at his age, he shows no fear. i think i have found a person that i can share everything with and at the same time not be judged by my looks but rather than whats in my heart and how i treat others. i can feel his sadness a lot and i revel in his happiness. he's lived a hard life but i look and know his heart is good. i love him as a great friend and am scared at the same time of losing him. im sure at some time he will read this and he knows who he is and i just wanna let him know how much i care about him. he has become part of my life now and i worry about him and what happens to him. i wonder about him everyday and think about what he is doing and if he's ok. i know it was fate that brought him in my life but at this point im not sure why, but im willing to find out. so again my question is do you believe in fate?
