I think that I've reached peace with the fact that there will be no more good days, as I remember them. It has been over a month that I've gone more than a few hours pain free, and now I can't even shake the pain and discomfort for a few hours it seems.
To get to that state, I have to take too many Vicodin, and that just makes me sleepy. I used to have a few drinks with them, and that would help, but even that has lost it's luster.
Our family has a history of addictions, and I have enough demons in my life, I'm fighting hard to keep medication at a minimum.
But I've gotten used to the dull throb, or the knot feeling on the left side of my spine, that never loosens. I've even adapted to sleeping half the night in my bed, and the other half on the living room floor, with my feet resting on a chair, to relieve some of the pressure on my back.
Wednesday, I get a shot in my spine. In theory, it will reduce swelling, and reduce pain. It may work, it may not, I don't know anymore.
I'd like to be relatively pain free in 2009, that is my goal. But the way things are going, and how I've been feeling, and the vibe I've been getting from my Dr's, I'm going to have another long year.
