im continuing on my value thing. really what is the value of a touch, and embrace? i put value on every embrace. when my boys run to me and grab my leg because they think mommy will protect them. i would stop a bullet if i could. the littlest hands grabbing my thigh when they are shy around someone new. their little face hiding behind my leg. what about the embrace of a person you are just meeting. a handshake a hug, you can feel their energy and almost know what type of person they are. we all get that feeling meeting someone new. you get that feeling of should you just say hi and get a drink or sit them down and talk for hours. what about the value of an embrace. the type that your family gives you when you see them or you leave. i love my sisters hugs more than anything in the world because i know they are heartfelt and without prejudice. it is the type of embrace that when you feel bad it gives you that glimmer of hope. an embrace when you are sad and you just break down in their arms and sob and know they are hurting inside for you. the embrace of a friend can be the same, but what if this embrace you feel different about. the initial hug and its almost you feel you wana stay in their arms forever knowing their arms warm you from the inside. the type that after the embrace you look into their eyes and can tell their compassion, strength, and touch you will come back to them whenever you want. i lay in bed with a friend. is hand on my side his breathing glides across the back of my neck. i know what i said we were friends with benefits, but i want more, not necessarily physical love, but just to stay there forever. i have been so down on myself for so long and then when my husband left me i thought i would never be loved again, physically emotionally, just a woman yearning for the sofest touch, fingers brushing my cheek, my arm my back. why is it you think you can find what you want in life again but your pessimism bets your self esteem down to no mans land. ive been beat down so hard in my life that i dont think i could be beat down any further. someone help me, someone help me find everything i am looking for. someone help me out of this black hole ive fallen in and show me that love is still out there, out there for me. i wanna sit on a couch curled up under a blanket with arms around me. everyonce in a while fingers brush up and down my arms. light touch touching the back of my neck. sending shivers down my spine. i want a man who sees the scars on my body and wants to know how and when i got them. i want to explore that persons body, from head to toes. i wanna feel the rough skin of their hands, the hair on their arms, legs and chest. i wanna be able to look at their back and touch each vertebrae one by one. i wanna run my fingers down their spine. i want to feel their knees, the hair on their legs. i want the embrace of a man that is just as unconditional and real as when my boys grab onto me. i wanna go out to dinner and sit on the same side of the booth that they do playing footsies with them under the table, small stolen smiles and glances where you can see past the outside and just know what is in the inside. is that out there? am i just cursed never finding this? men have said i will baby i will do those things but the first time i sleep with them or mmet them, its wham bam and get out mamm. im tired of this life i need to find a balance between living my life and providing for my boys, since they are the only ones that have kept me here as long as i have. i have several different ways to end things at my fingertips, but the thought knowing my ex would get them and he already told me if he ever had to take the boys he would have to give them up. they are not dogs, you cant take them back to the shelter if they piss on the floor. if you want this life call me, let me know love is still out there and life is worth living in serch of this untouchable love. so i value each embrace i get. from my boys, from my family snd from my friends. i need love, i deserve love, i now know i am worthy to be loved by a good man. for some reason i always find the ones who are either emotionally bankrupt or are such players they are just after a piece of quick ass. i proclaim today is my day my time is now. i am beautiful, im hot, and i deserve the greatest love i have ever known.
