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Deafening SilenceA deafening silence is unnerving to say the least.Does silence frighten you?Yes....Right down to the coreof my very existanceThe need to speak.to listen....What is it I fear?A chance to meet myself?A true silence?A true meeting?Communication is a mustamongst friends & lovers.Anger, disinterest,hostility are sure signsof silence....leaving us alone & isolated.A premeditated,willful actthat leaves one lost.
Not Always Right | Speaking StupideseRetail | Santa Rosa, CA, USA
(A customer comes in and goes to a display rack of boots.)
Me: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “Where are the boxes with all the shoes in them?”
Me: …
Her Friend: “She means, do you have these boots in a size 8…”
Anxiety AttackI lay down every night but I can’t get no rest Cos it starts spinning in my brain and then it’s pounding in my chest What if I wasted all my youth what if I wasted growing up What if I wasted my whole life oh man I’d feel like throwing up it’s an Anxiety attack an anxiety attack I’ve got a bad case of the horrors and at night it comes back Cos first I look back at my week and then I look back at my year And then I’m terrified to speak and then I’m paralysed with fear And I’m tossing and I’m turning and I’m going round the bend All I see is all my failings’ downward spirals without end and I seeHorror in the in the future and I see horror in the past And its 4 am and 5 am and 6 am at last Cos what if I never feel grown up and I end up in a car accident And what if I go crazy and what if this time it’s permanent And what I go broke and have to move back with my parents And then what if I get cancer and I ain’t
Not Always Right | A Few Beans Short Of A LatteRestaurant | Florida, USA
Customer: “Excuse me, but I ordered the vegetable soup!”
Me: “Yes ma’am, I know.”
Customer: “I don’t see ANY vegetables in this!”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s because it’s your coffee.”
Customer: “Oh.”
(She was surprisingly nice for the rest of meal and left a hefty tip.)
Not Always Right | Youth In AsiaPet Store | Fridley, MN, USA
(A woman came up to my register today and began putting her items up on the counter. All of a sudden, she stopped to listen to the pet store advertisements that we have playing all day in the store. The ad mentioned donations would prevent unnecessary euthanasia in animals at shelters.)
Woman: “What would they do with the euthanasia?”
Me: “The donations would help animals find homes so they wouldn’t use euthanasia unless it was absolutely necessary.”
Woman: “What do euthanasia have to do with it?”
Me: “Well, euthanasia means putting them to sleep.”
Woman: “They’re killed?”
Me: “Essentially.”
Woman: “I thought that was just a rumor.”
Me: “…what?”
Woman: “So do they eat them?”
Me: *so confused* “…the vets?”
Woman: “No. The kids.”
Me, perplexed: “…kids?”
Woman: “In
Not Always Right | Fonts Gone WildMe: “Thank you for calling *****, how may I assist you today?”
Customer: “Hi, I need a new computer.”
Me: “I’m sorry? You need a new computer?”
Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this one and it’s no good, it’s been hacked!”
Me: “This is software support. We can’t replace your hardware, but if you describe the problems you’re having I can try to help you fix them.”
Customer: *irritated and sighing* “Some f***ing hacker broke into my computer and put dirty words everywhere! Now I can’t even let my kids use the computer for their homework, because of the obscene language that randomly pops up on the screen!”
Me: “Sounds like a virus, do you have an anti-virus installed?”
Customer: “I have McAfee and I already tried that 10 TIMES! It didn’t even find anything! Everything on this computer is just worthless and I’m sick of–”
Me: “OK
Madeleine Mccann: Online Video Appeal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=979u-xbPHrQ
An online viral appeal was released today to help find British girl Madeleine McCann who disappeared in Portugal on May 3, 2007. She would now be aged six.
The message is the work of the UK's Child Exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) Centre which worked with the McCanns on the video and the ideas behind its distribution and is not the result of any new police intelligence.
Not Always Right | Listen For Manager At The EndPizza | Illinois, USA
(I work at a well known pizza chain; let’s call it Daddy Jim’s.)
Customer: “I’d like a large sausage and ham pizza and a large Italian Meats Trio.”
Me: “Alright, your total is $**.**. We’ll have it out there in about 45 minutes.”
(An hour later as I arrive back from the delivery, the store receives a phone call from the same customer.)
Customer: “Yeah, hi. I ordered an Italian Meats Trio pizza, and you guys got it wrong.”
Me: “How did we get it wrong?”
Customer: “Well, it has sausage, ham, and some other sh*t on it.”
Me: “Is the ham kind of orange?”
Customer: “Yeah.”
Me: “Is the sausage peppered and brownish-orange?”
Customer: “Uh….yeah.”
Me: “Is the other stuff salami?”
Customer: “Yeah! What the hell?”
Me: “Well, the orange ham is Italian ham, the sausage is Italian sausage, and you
Not Always Right | Why Don't We Stamp It On Your ForeheadVideo Rental | Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA
(We have a program called MVP where you pay an amount and get movies based on which plan, and never have to pay for the movies at the counter while you have it.)
Me: “Hi, all set?”
Customer: “I have MVP!” *smiles proudly*
Me: “That’s great. I still need your ID…”
Customer: “But I have MVP.”
Me: “So do many other people, I need your ID to look up your account…”
(This went on for a moment more before she finally told me her phone number. Worse part? It was the third time she’s done it.)
Gray SkysSitting in the corner
reading my thoughts back of my hand
letting the tears of sorrow drip from my face
digging my toes in the ground of despair
Gray skys
I speak to thee
take me away from my deep crys
make me feel my faith
Drill thoughts of more then one choice
dark shadows overwhelm my holy body
the pain spikes me through my hands and feet
blood rises and stick to ones flesh
YouYou picked me up, when I had fallen.You gave me hope, just when I thought all was lost.You pulled me into the light, when I was shut away in darkness.You are my gardian angel, my night in shining armor.I can't say a word, but I know the feeling is mutual. You know me for how I am, and still never turned away.You have been there for me and mine, more than any other ever has.We parted, We came back. I will leave it at that.
SolidersI speak with words of fear
driving you deep into your soul
feel it burn within
take what it's for
For we are soliders
fighting for one kind
fighting for ones hope
for we are soliders
Taking one breathe at a time
for solid ground feels like a holy playground
for one life, is other child to be heard
we are who we are so breathe the words I say
November InterviewsNOVEMBER INTERVIEWS
NOV 2 - HALO STEREONOV 3 - WIDOW SUNDAYNOV 4 - INSIDE SWITCHNOV 9 - CHANDLER MOGEL - TALON & OUTLOUDNOV 10 - VAL - FASHION BOMBNOV 11 - ALEX GROSSINOV 16 - STEVE BELLONOV 17 - VAINS ICED OVERNov 18 - NORTHERN ALLIANCE PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORSNov 23 - SAMI - FREE SPIRIT ROCKNOV 24 - EVERESTNOV 25 - SILENCERNOV 30 - ASHES OF SOMA
SleepAs I look into your eyes
I see the passion deep inside
your words are soft spoken
making one to cry
Lift your hands up high
Grab onto your life
For you sleep well
and dream well
cause i miss you
love you
get down on one knee
begin to pray
for there is one sad song
with words of a lost soul
you'll never be forgotten
for this just the beginning
Lost SoulVerse1
As i look into one life
Look apond it one time
Look into one hands
feeling the blood rushing threw one veins
almost like a game
Chrous
You walk on one thing line
Walking through the pain
Falling to the Ground (broken glass)
You gasp for redemption
Verse 2
Fire in your eyes
makes a false impression
give one knee to the ground you pray
for your life just broke away
break down
Ones Lost Soul
Is other giving
looking through the glass
Makes a difference
choice one path one soul
or you forever be lost apond the stone
Dream With In A DreamA Dream Within A Dream by Edgar Allan Poe
Take this kiss upon the brow!And, in parting from you now,Thus much let me avow--You are not wrong, who deemThat my days have been a dream;Yet if hope has flown awayIn a night, or in a day,In a vision, or in none,Is it therefore the less gone?All that we see or seemIs but a dream within a dream.I stand amid the roarOf a surf-tormented shore,And I hold within my handGrains of the golden sand--How few! yet how they creepThrough my fingers to the deep,While I weep--while I weep!O God! can I not graspThem with a tighter clasp?O God! can I not saveOne from the pitiless wave?Is all that we see or seemBut a dream within a dream?
Not Always Right | Fine Line Between Customer & CuckooRetail | Ohio, USA
Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”
Lady Customer: “Yes, actually. You have this item that I want, but it looks like it’s been damaged.”
(Lady lifts up a portable DVD player that’s currently on sale. She pointed out a small tear in the box.)
Lady Customer: “Would you happen to have any more?”
Me: “Sure, I can check for you.” *checks our computer* “No, I’m sorry, it appears that you have the last one.”
Lady Customer: *angry* “Why don’t you have any more!?”
Me: “Well, it’s a great sale, so we’ve had a lot of people come in today to purchase it.”
Lady Customer: “Yes, but it’s ON. SALE. That means that it should be IN. STOCK.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but since it’s on sale, we’ve had a lot of people come in today to purchase it. The one that you have right now is still in good shape. The onl
100 Million Lyrics[DJ Khaled]Dis for da hood Dis for da ghetto Dis for all dem niggas gettin dat money Dat cash money Dat 100 million dollar money Nigga We got money We da best [Ross]Ridin big gettin mine Two microwaves flip a brick at a time Bandana on da handle ready for da whip When I wear da whitest soft watch it disappear BossI disappear in da middle of da night When I reappear bet da boss look so bright Fo life, dough boy, More strikes, O boy We ridin low Gettin high 80 round drum let ya know da time When you see da Maybachs nigga know its mine Ridin on da 2 4s runnin ahead of my time Watch runnin from kind Anotha one on my mind Phone bill 4 grand get ya ho in da line In da hood ho niggas act funny Only real niggas really get to touch cash money [Dre]I spend about a 100 million dollars 100 million dollars 100 million dollars And I came from da ghetto (ghetto) and I came from da ghetto (ghetto) If ya ghetto hold ya hood up If ya ghetto hold ya hood up If ya ghetto hold ya hood up If ya ghetto hold
Not Always Right | Oh, Crystal MethPublic Library | Alabama, USA
Click here to view the comic version of this quote!
(This happens while I'm checking out another patron's books.)
Library patron, screaming and pointing at me, elbowing other patron out of the way: "WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE THE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP OFF THE STOVE???"
Me: "Um, I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm helping someone right now...."
Library patron: "You let it get all FATTY on the top!!!"
Me: "...I'm sorry?"
(Library patron begins to cry.)
Me: "Why are you crying?"
Library patron: "I don't know, cuz dads are microwaving their kids and sh*t!"
Me: ...
Lollipop LyricsIntroUh huh, no homoYoung Mula babyI say he so sweet, make her wanna lick the wrapperSo i let her lick the wrapperHookShe-she-she lick me like a lollipop (yeah)She-she lick me like a lollipop, lollipop (yeah)She-she-she lick me like a lollipop (yeah)She-she lick me like a lollipop, lollipopChorusShawty want a thug (yeah, yeah, yeah)Bottles in the club (yeah, yeah, yeah)Shawty wanna hump (yeah, yeah)You know i like to touch (yeah) your lovely lady lumps(She lick me like a wrapper)Shawty want a thug (she lick me like a, i like that)Bottles in the club (i like that)Shawty wanna hump (haha)You know i like to touch your lovely lady lumps(come on, yeah)Verse 1Okay lil mama had a swag like mine (yeah)She even wear her hair down her back like mine (yeah)I make her feel right when it's wrong like lyin' (yeah)Man, she ain't never had a love like mine (yeah)But man i aint never seen an ass like hers (yeah)That pussy in my mouth had me loss for words (yeah)I told her back it up like berp berp (yea
Pop Bottles Lyrics[Chorus:]Chopper straight shots and then pop bottles, (yea)Flirt with the hood rats thin pop models (uh huh)Chopper straight shots and then pop bottles (yea)Flirt with the hood rats thin pop models,[Birdman] OK, we poppin champaign like we won a championship game,[Lil Wayne] Look like I got on a championship ring,[Birdman] 'cause I ball hard,[Lil Wayne] No bitch we ball harder,[Birdman] I am the Birdman,[Lil Wayne] And I'm the J-R-uh,[Verse 1: Lil Wayne]OK, start with straight shots and then pop bottles,Pour it on the models,Shut up bitch, swallow,If you can't swallow,Shut up bitch, gargle,Straight up out that water with my Mark Jacob goggles,I'm fresher than a motherfuckerYeah I'm a motherfucker,No I won't take your girl, but I shall take her tongue from her,Can't you tell I'm in love woman?Like no other woman,Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart,I thought you were my other woman[Chorus][Verse 2: Birdman]Now as I recline behind my desk,I ain't got a lot of Nikes, but I got a lot of checks, (money
Not Always Right | That's, Like, MeanCollege | Oregon, USA
Student: “So, like, um, you wrote on my paper that I wrote like, I, like spoke…but you only gave me 2 out of 10 points.
Me: “You used ‘like’ 56 times and ‘that’ 87.”
Student: “Um, why is that a problem??”
Me: “It was a 2 page writing assignment.”
Student: “So…um…since I talked with you, um…can I have some more points?”
Not Always Right | With Great Pizza Comes Great ResponsibilityPizza | Louisiana, USA
(A hospital calls to order pizza.)
Manager: “Thank you for calling *****, would you like to try the Superhero Special?”
Customer: “What’s that?”
Manager: “It’s an extra large, three topping pizza that comes with a coupon for the Spiderman 3 DVD.”
Customer: “…the pizza’s delivered by Spiderman!?”
Manager: *laughs* “Only if its delivered to the psych ward, ma’am!”
I Run This Lyrics[Birdman]I run this bitch[Chorus (Lil Wayne):]And I'm gonna keep runningI'm gonna keep running one never running outta moneyI'm gonna dog I'm gonna stuntIf i don't do nothingAnd my car so pretty all these hoes wan fuck itI got pussy wet paintBig boy shoesSoft ass seats and my trunk go boomI gotta black ass gunAnd a bad yello bitchAnd it looks like I'm gonna die like this[Birdman]Cause we be stunning on these bitchesGet money on these bitches$250 on the wrist nigga we be the illestWe be the realistCMB niggaUptown soldier with the money to the ceilingShining like a diamond from a eagle to a pigeonBirds on the wire 100 deep and we chillingFinger on the trigger, that's the uptown livingHigh to the sky no dobbin for fishesHustling, doing donuts in the lamCandy on the slam50 on the av100 at the cribGet it how you liveStuntin on these bitches red diamonds how i feelI run this bitch[Chorus (Lil Wayne)][Birdman]I'm a uptown soliderKnow how I roll herMoney go get her, MLB all overHustling with t
Stuntin' Like My Daddy Lyrics[bridge:]Vrooom On A Yamaha Chromed Out 11 HundredWhat I'm Doing, Getting Money, What We Doing, Getting MoneyWhat They Doing, hating on us, But They Neva CrossCash Money still a company, And Bitch I'm The BossAnd I Be Stunting Like My Daddy, Stunting Like My DaddyStunting Like My Daddy, I Be Stunting Like My DaddyI'm The, Young Stunner, Stunting Like My DaddyStunting Like My Daddy, I Be Stunting Like My Daddy[verse 1: Lil Wayne]Bitch I'm Paid, Thats All I Gotta SayCan't see you Lil Nigga, The Money In The WayAnd I'm, I'm Sitting High, A Gansta Ride BladesIf You Ain't Gone Ride Fly Than You Might As Well HateShit I Gotta Eat... Yeah, Even Though I AteIt Ain't My Birthday But I Got My Name On the Cake(Shit) Believe That, If Ya Mans Wanna PlayI'mma Fuck Around And Put That Boy Brains On The TablePick 'em up, fuck 'em Let 'Em LayWhere I'm From We See A Fucking Dead Body EverydayThats, Uptown, throw a stack at 'Emmake a song about me, I'm Throwing Shots Back At 'EmYa bitch on my pipe, And S
Leather So Soft Lyrics[Chorus - Lil Wayne]My leather so soft My top so softI'll probably have it off these niggaz so softAnd I go so hardBitch I go so hard... she saidMy leather so soft My top so softI'll probably have it off these niggaz so softAnd I go so hardBitch I go so hard...[Verse 1 - Lil Wayne]I get money hoe fuck what you talkin' 'boutStraight out the slaughterhouse straight out the dragon's mouthFire you can't put out tires are standin' outThe coupe look pigeon-toed I be in a different modeI be wit' them different hoes No I mean them different hoesI mean them Weezy bumbaclot different hoesAnd as far as terrific goesThey kiss that dick wit' no mistletoesDiamonds and pearls and pussyholes snortin' coke til they nose bleedI'm sittin' high on them inches I'm in the nosebleedsI'm on a paper chase until my toes bleedThen I get on these beats and let my soul bleedI put 'em in ya head and watch the holes bleedMy rag always red like when them hoes bleedNow that's coldbleed I mean cold bloodedAnd I'm so so
Not Always Right | Behind Every Man Is A Brutally Honest WifeRestaurant | Louisville, KY, USA
(I go to a table of four, a mom and dad and two kids who are ready to order.)
Husband: “How big are your pizzas?”
Me: “They are 10 inch pizzas, sir.”
Husband: “Well how big is 10 inches?
(And before I can answer, the wife chimes in.)
Wife: “You wouldn’t know anything about 10 inches, dear.”
(I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, before I ran to the wait station and started laughing hysterically.)
People Come Into Your Life For A Reason, A Season, Or A LifetimeThere are motives for everything. Juxtaposed against the backdrop of advantageous endeavor, people leverage and jockey for position all the time, and often it’s at the behest of friendship. Original author Jean Dominique Martin said it best by leaving lasting impressions with the following essay.
Do you believe that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime? What does friendship mean to you? How well do you choose who would be your closest allies? There are reasons why people are essential in our lives.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relation
Not Always Right | At Least She Has The General IdeaBookstore | Cincinnati, OH, USA
Bored teen girl (between snapping her chewing gum): “Yeah–I’m looking for this book, When I Drop Dead?”
Me: “I can’t seem to find it in the system. Do you know who the author is?”
Bored teen girl: “I dunno. Flooker or Flocker or something.”
*A light goes on in my head*
Me: “Do you mean AS I LAY DYING, by WILLIAM FAULKNER??”
Her: *explosive sigh* “Yeah. Whatever. That.”
Not Always Right | Joys Of Self RighteousnessPolice Operator | Unknown Location, USA
Woman: “Hello, I’d like to report a ticket.”
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Woman: “I want to report a speeding ticket.”
Me: “I don’t really have the ability to write tickets over the phone.”
Woman: “He’s speeding down the road; he must be doing 90mph!”
Me: “Generally at this time of day we have patrols on every major street.”
Woman: “I caught up to him and he is doing about 102. His license number is ******.
(I pretend to write it down so I can end this phone call.)
Me: “Thank you ma’am, I’ll get right on mailing this-”
Woman: “Did it come up?”
Me: “Yes it did.”
Woman: “What did it say?”
Me: “It says the car is stolen.” (It didn’t.)
Woman: “Oh my god!”
Me: “And what is your Driver’s License Number?”
Woman: “Why do you need that
Not Always Right | It Runs In The FamilyFast Food | California, USA
(A little kid comes running up to counter and points at our menu board above my head.)
Kid: “I want that one!”
Me: “The taco or the burrito, honey?”
Kid’s mother: “Don’t point! That’s rude. You have to tell her what you want.”
Kid: “I want the taco.”
Me, turning to the mother: “Ok. What can I get for you?”
Kid’s mother: *points* “I want that one.”
Not Always Right | More Slippage (freud)Movie Theater | Greenwood, IN, USA
(I was working another very long day right after March of the Penguins had come out , stuck in the box office, when a sweet looking little old lady and her sweet little old lady friend walked up to the window.)
Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”
Old lady: “Hello sweetie. I’d like one senior for March of the Penises.”
Little old lady friend: “Oh my God…” *shocked, puts hand up to mouth, whispers to friend*
Me: “I think you might have the wrong theater…”
Not Always Right | Playing AlongPizza | Portland, OR, USA
Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?”
Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?”
Me: “Errr…no.”
Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?”
Me: “Oh! Yes.”
Customer: “Really?”
Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”
Not Always Right | Age Ain't Nothing But A NumberHelp Desk | Texas, USA
(Yet another power cord/paint dispenser story…)
Me: “Okay, it’s not plugged in.”
Him: “It’s plugged in–it goes right to the back of the computer!”
Me: “No, that’s a serial cable, not a power cable.”
Him: “What’s this orange one then?”
Me: “That connects the computer to the network. It’s also not a power cable and doesn’t connect to the dispenser anyway. The one for the dispenser is black and has a three-prong plug on the end.”
Him: “Listen to me, young lady, I have been on this earth for 56 years and I know what a power cord looks like!”
Me: “Yes, well, I’ve been on this earth 34 years and I know that some things have to be plugged into an outlet to work.”
Him: …
Me: …
Him: “Oh. There it is. Okay, it’s working now. Thanks.”
Not Always Right | Killing Them With KindnessTech Support | Harrisburg, PA, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling C** Technologies, how can I help?”
Customer, very irate: “Yeah! I didn’t pay my internet bill and now its saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”
Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account and you would like to know why?”
Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”
Me: “Alright, let me take a look here…my system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”
Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f**king sympathy here! Are you customer service??”
Me: “I’m tech support.”
Customer: “Where is customer service at?!?”
Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues, I’ll transfer you down to them.”
Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole you know tha
Its Just A ProblemIt´s just a problemthe world on your shouldersso how will you copeby taking another drinkor simply doing some dope
a child starves in Africa in his eyes the world is ne ver seennever knowing life for what it isnot even knowing how to dream
people die every daygoing through so much painyet have a positive attitudebut over the smallest thing we complain
count your blessingsgod gave you a choiceif you choose the wrong thingsmaybe you listened to the wrong voice
don´t let just a problembring your whole life downsomeone´s always worse offthink of that and remove that frown
you can overcome anythingjust have faith and believeif you failed that was your choiceand you let the devil succeed
Not Always Right | How The Ds Rpg Killed The EsrbVideo Game Store | Cincinnati, OH, USA
(Customer brings a mediocre role playing game for the Nintendo DS up to the counter.)
Customer: “Hey, would this game be good for an eight year old?”
Me: “Well, does he like RPGs?”
Customer: “Oh, I don’t let him watch anything rated R.”
Me: “Oh…I mean, does he like role playing games?”
Customer: “Whats that? That like one of them Mario games?”
Me: “No, it’s one where you follow a story line and usually has a lot of reading, like Final Fantasy. Has he ever played anything like that before?”
Customer: “Oh, he don’t read books. And I don’t like that it’s rated R and PG.”
Not Always Right | Instructions Are Our FriendsGrocery Store | Bellingham, WA, USA
(Referring to the payment terminal)
Customer: “It’s not working. Whats wrong with it?”
Me: “What does it say?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Please slide card again’.”
Me: “Well, then slide your card again.”
Customer: “Oh, okay.”
(She slides her card. It works.)
Customer: “Hey it worked!”
Not Always Right | Perhaps A Little Too FreeCoffee Shop | Ventura, CA, USA
(Woman walks in totally nude and grabs a muffin. She has a large, rather offensive tattoo from her bottom rib up her neck.)
Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take those…”
Nudist: “Why, because of the tattoo?”
Me: “No, because you need to pay for it first.”
Nudist: “It’s a free country!” *walks out*
(I ended up pulling out my wallet and paying for it myself, because getting arrested for chasing a nude chick down the street is not worth it.)
LifeI am sitting here and wondering what is it I want to do with my life? Then, I remember.
I remember what I have strived so hard to start. I think back to the beginning of all this madness. How difficult it was to get started. All the long hours I spent struggling towards my goals. The many hours of sleep I missed out on.
And all for what? To have someone tell me that isnt the way to go through life?
No, NO I say. I will go on. I will press forward in order to better my life and myself.
Not Always Right | We Need One Of These In Every StoreHardware Store | Vancouver Island, Canada
Employee: *making out a rain check* “Okay, so I’m just going to look on the computer and check if any other locations have this item.”
Nice customer: “Okay, thanks.”
Angry customer: “Stop f***ing socializing and do your g**d*** job!”
Employee: “Sir, please don’t be abusive, I’m just checking our other loc-”
Angry customer: “I don’t care! DO YOUR JOB!”
(At this point, the angry customer moves toward the counter in a very threatening way. The customer behind HIM, a super-fit guy in a UFC jacket, steps in. Mr. UFC grabs the angry customer in a CHOKE HOLD and drags him outside, followed quickly by management, and to the applause of the staff and customers inside the store.)
(The angry customer was banned from the store and Mr. UFC got a gift card.)
Not Always Right | Living On The EdgeIce Cream Shop | New York, NY, USA
(At an ice cream shop)
Me: “Would you like any mix-ins with that?”
Older woman: “Yes, I would like almonds. But not too many, because I’m allergic, and if I have too many I will die.”
Me: “…”
Not Always Right | Aggression IssuesTech Support | Tokyo, Japan
Me, checking a customer’s network connection: “…so you double-click with the left button of your mouse on the Local Area Connection icon.”
Customer: “What? Double-kick?”
Me: “No, double-click; I mean you click twice, consecutively with the left button of your mouse on the Local Area Connection icon.”
Customer: “Double-kick?”
Me: “Yes, double-kick your monitor.”
Not Always Right | Just A Teensy Bit DramaticVet | Auckland, NZ
Customer: “I’m on my way to the kennels and my cat here needs an injection to get in.”
Me: “Well, you need an appointment for that. We’re fully booked until tomorrow afternoon.”
Customer: “If you’re going to be so difficult, I’ll take my cat elsewhere and get it put down!”
Not Always Right | Dirty MindElectronics Store | Seattle, WA, USA
(Customer calls requesting a cable.)
Customer: “Hi. I am trying to connect my iPod to my stereo.”
Me: “Okay. Do you have a receiver, a small shelf system, or a boombox?”
Customer: “It’s a smaller stereo.”
Me: “Okay. Do you have a small plug that looks like a headphone plug that is labeled AUX, Audio IN, or anything of the sort?”
Customer: “Yes, there is a small round plug that says AUX.”
Me: “Okay, that’s easy. All you need is a 3.5mm male-to-male RCA cable.”
Customer: “Male-to-male as in boy-to-boy.”
Me, knowing what is coming next and not caring: “Yes, it is just referring to whether it is a plug or a receptor of a plug.”
Customer: “Well, you are just disgusting!”
Me: “Sorry ma’am, that is just an industry standard term.”
Customer: “That is just one of the most disgusting things I have ever
Not Always Right | Egocentrism Meet GeocentrismTravel Agent | Pendel, PA, USA
Customer, calling from a cell phone: “Would you tell me how to get to your office?”
Me: “Sure, where are you now?”
Customer: “That is none of your business. Just tell me how to get there.”
Me: “But to do that, I need to know where you are starting from. Are you in our town?”
Customer: “I told you that is none of your $%@# business.”
(After few more exchanges of this sort…)
Customer: “You are an idiot. Let me speak to your manager.”
Manager, who overheard part of the conversation already: “May I help you?”
Customer: “Tell me how to get to your office.”
Manager: “Well, that depends on where you are starting from.”
Customer: “&@#$#!! Just $%%@# tell me how to get there.”
Manager: “Okay. See the next corner? Turn right there.”
Customer: *click*
Not Always Right | Dude, That Must Be Some Strong WeedKey Shop | Chicago, USA
(Early 1970’s. I make a key for a guy who lost car keys in the mall parking lot.)
Me: “Well, that will be $10.00 for the key and labor but another key will be only 79 cents.”
Customer: “Ah, no man, I need my money to get my weed.”
(A week later, same deal. I have to go out in the rain and make the same guy another key.)
Me: “Well I’m sure that now you will get an extra key?”
Customer: “Ah, no man, I need my money to get my weed.”
(Well I can spot a trend, so I make another key anyway and hang it up in the shop.)
(Over the next 6 months he is back a dozen times and I just copy the key hanging in the shop and charge him for the lockwork and the key. He never buys a second key.)
(I guess the weed finally got him.)
Not Always Right | Today All My Questions Shall Be StupidRetail | Somerset, UK
Customer: “What size is this rug?”
Me, reading label: “54″ x 72″.”
Customer: “So how big is that?”
Me: “In centimetres? It’s…”
Customer: “No, in inches.”
Me: “It’s 54 inches x 72 inches.”
Customer: “OK. And what colour is it?”
Me: “Lilac.”
Customer: “Right…and would it look good in my lounge?”
Me: “I don’t know…I’ve never seen your lounge.”
Customer: “No, I guess you haven’t. Do you think I have room for it?”
Me: ?@#!
Not Always Right | Those Darned Post-it Notes Of DeathTech Support | South England
User: “My computer’s not working properly–it stopped working when you were up here doing whatever you were doing, so you need to fix it.”
Tech support engineer: “I was upstairs writing down names. I wrote your name on a post it note. I’m not sure how that broke your computer.”
Not Always Right | God ComplexRestaurant | Florida, USA
(I hostess at an upscale restaurant in a very nice part of town. I get a call like this about once a night on weekends, which are super busy.)
Customer: “Can I get a reservation for four at 7 tonight for Dr. xxx?”
Me: “I’m very sorry sir, we’re booked solid from 6 to 10. I can get you a reservation for tomorrow night if you’re interested.”
Customer: “But I’m a doctor.”
Not Always Right | Ask A Stupid Question Part 2Department Store | Denver, CO, USA
(I’m standing right in front of about ten racks of toys and a giant sign that says “Toy Shop.”)
Customer: “Do you carry toys?”
Me: *turns, looks up at the sign* “Nope.”
(Customer walks off to continue her search.)
Not Always Right | Must Have Been A Long PregnancyHotel | Seattle, WA, USA
Pregnant Customer: “I want to be reimbursed because I did not get a ground floor unit, because I was promised one when I booked the reservation due to the fact that I’m pregnant.”
Agent: “But ma’am, you booked this reservation eleven months in advance.”
No One Knows But You!There will be times that you feel like the world is against you,like nothing theres you can do to change things cause it hasn't yet and you've tried so hard! Some people say"Well thats because ........."filling the blank with some lame reason they believe! Well I know what it feels like to see things that way cause I did for years because I let it! I finally found out it wasn't because of whatever I wanted to think it was doing it to me IT WAS ME! So pick yourself up off the ground and STAND PROUD of who you are and what you believe in whatever it may be!Wrong or right don't let anyone tell you different how or what you should be like ITS YOUR LIFE TO LIVE ITS YOUR CHOICE AND YOURS ALONE! So whatever path you choose to fallow be proud of who you are and what you are!
Not Always Right | Zero Short Term MemoryHome Furnishings | Costa Mesa, CA
Customer: “Hi, I have my car down the loading dock and I’m parked where it says to park, but there’s no button to call your store or anything down there.”
Me: “No, there’s not because the elevator is shared with 3 levels of stores; we don’t own it, the mall does. So you have to call us when you’re there.”
Customer: “How do I call? There’s no button.”
Me: “With your cellphone…”
Customer: “Oh pfft, I never bring a cellphone with me.”
Me: “But didn’t you just call? How did you call earlier?”
Customer: “With a cellphone!” *looking at me like I’m stupid*
Not Always Right | Mission: ImpossibleKey Shop | Chicago, IL, USA
Customer: “I just locked my key in my car in front of the shop.”
Me: (I pick up some stuff) “Not a problem, I’ll pop it open for $5.00.”
Customer: “What are you going to do with that stuff?”
Me: “Open your car.”
Customer: “It’s a brand new Mercedes. I just drove it here from the dealer–you can’t touch it!”
Me: “Then how do I open it?”
Customer: “That’s your problem.”
Me: “Actually it’s not; I didn’t lock the key in your car.”
Customer: “You have to open it.”
Me: “Watch me not open it.”
Customer: “OK then, but if you make any scratch or mark at all then you will have to pay Mercedes to repaint the whole car. That will cost thousands.”
Me: “So If I’m successful I get $5.00, but if I make the smallest error it will cost me thousands of dollars?”
Customer: &l
I Have Looked Into The Nights SkyI have wished on many falling star following the path in hopes she would be at the end ? I walked the roads of this Land each night laying my head down under the stars seeking the light that guides my heart to her !
Not Always Right | Because Of Everything On The Internets Is PrivateElectronics Store | Stroudsburg, PA, USA
(On Black Friday...when EVERYTHING is on sale.)
Customer: "Excuse me, sir?"
Me: "Hey, can I help you find something?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to know what's on sale today."
Me: "Well, it depends on what system. You see, the DS only has three games on sale, while the XBOX has about 10. Not to mention, almost every console is running some sort of deal."
Customer: "No, I meant the secret sales."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Customer: "The stuff in the catalog."
Me: "Oh, that's all posted."
Customer, suddenly angry: "It better not be!"
Me: "Why not?"
Customer: "Because I looked online for those sales."
Me: "What's your point?"
Customer: "Because I wouldn't have done that if I'd known it was public!"
Me: "The point of a sale is to make it public."
Customer: "GET ME YOUR MANAGER YOU A**HOLE!"
The Family Easter EggsSo I heard from a reliable source, over a late night meal that came with some delicious toast, that testicles are somewhat less than aesthetically pleasing. So, as a favor to said source, I painted my testicles to look like Easter eggs. I didn't think that it would be very difficult, but let me tell you, its hard to dip in those little cups without knocking them over, and that little wire hanger that comes in the kit is very uncomfortable so I had to pad it, now it looks like half a set of pink handcuffs cupping my family jewels as they are lowered into the water that has been colored by that little tablet. It was worth it though, now when I tear my pants off as though I were doing a strip tease, you will be greeted by a plethora of pastels with little zigzag lines through the middle, and they are surrounded by green grass. I even put little bunny ears on the shaft just to complete the elusion. Now its almost like having sex with the Cadbury bunny. Then I convinced my buddy Ferna
Not Always Right | The Iq Is Weak In This OneDrugstore | Ontario, Canada
Me: “Congratulations! Because you’ve spent over $30 on our beauty products you can receive a complimentary tote bag. Would you like it in black or brown?”
Customer: “What’s a tote bag?”
Me: (holds up bag) “It’s a bag. Rather large…you can put things in it…it comes in black or brown.”
Customer: “Oh well, that’s nifty isn’t it?”
Me: “Yes it is ma’am. Would you like it in black or brown?”
Customer: “How much does that cost?”
Me: “Normally, $14.99 but yours is complimentary because you spent over $30 on beauty products.”
Customer: “Oh, well I wouldn’t pay $15 on that!”
Me: “You don’t have to pay for it.”
Customer: “Why not?”
(Other customers are beginning to become aggravated by this woman’s stupidity so I call up Ashley, another cashier.)
Me: “…becau
The Balad Of The Candy Cane.Do you know what my favorite thing about candy canes is? Its when you've sucked on the end long enough to make it sharp as a needle, then something startles you so you accidentally jam the end into your tongue. And ofcourse your natural reaction is to jerk your hand away which breaks the end off in your mouth and you end up swallowing it and that cuts up your throat on its way down. Now you are swallowing large amounts of blood and you get to go sit in the waiting rooom at the hospital with all the kids that have swallowed pennies and stuck marbles in their nose. And thats a plus because you get to listen to all the stressed out mothers threaten their children. "Johnny, come sit by mommy. No come sit down over here. Stop bothering that man and come sit down now! DO YOU SEE HOW THAT MAN'S ARM IS BENDING THE WRONG WAY? WELL YOUR ARM IS GOING TO BEND LIKE THAT TOO IF YOU DON'T COME SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!" And then the doctor walks in. "So Johnny, how did you get that ping-pong bal
Not Always Right | A Good Time To Excuse YourselfRetail | Tucson, AZ, USA
(This conversation between a Returns Employee and a customer was overheard by me and others.)
Employee: “Hello, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this.” (Heaves a large propane tank, the kind used for barbecue grills onto the counter.)
Employee: “Why?”
Customer: “It’s leaking.”
(At this point me, 4 managers, the employee, 2 other customers, and 3 other employees all within earshot, slowly turn their heads towards the leaking tank careful not to make any sudden movements.)
Not Always Right | On The Need For Consumer Iq RequirementsRetail | Suffolk, UK
Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this gas cooker…”
Me: “Sure, what’s the problem with it, madam?”
Customer: “The picture on the front of the box shows meat, although when I opened the box there was no meat inside…”
Me: *In astonishment* “Okay, I’ll just go and get my manager…”
Not Always Right | Of All The Moments For Freud To SlipMovie Cinema | Australia
(I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)
Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”
(There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)
From the Not Always Right store:
Cockporn Tee
Love And Leasons Learned (wrote This When I Was With My Ex-boyfriend)I used to think I had the anwsers for everything, but now I know life doesn't always go my way. Feels like I'm cought in the middle, but that's when I realize I'm not a girl, not yet a women. All I need is time to find the women in me. I sometimes got to shake myself to wake myself, feels like I'm swimming in an ocean of emotion, but still some how going down inside. I don't like who I'm becomong I know I have to do something before my life passes by.
I got to cry like the rain, shine like the sun on a beautiful morning, fly like an angel, love like I never have to be alone, take everything this world has to give. I want to live. I wonder why I work so hard to gaurd my heart when I don't feel anything at all. I spent my whole life building this ivery tower and now I'm in it, I wish it would just fall. Life is like a reaper gone in just a blink of an eye.
I want to take every breath I can before the reaper takes my last. But when life gets that much harder, I get that my stroung
What I Miss About Having Someone.Its just the things that one takes for granted when your with someone. Having someone there for you when you come home,when you need a good tight hug to comfort yourself when your down,a person who'll listen to your every word if needed or just being able to say shes mine! The lil things about her like the way she smells after a shower,how soft her skin feels when you touch her,how it makes you feel with just a smile and the sparkle in her eyes when she looks at you or the way you feel like the luckest man in the world to hold her in a passionate embrace like theres no tomorrow! Yeah its just the lil things that I really miss about having someone!
Not Always Right | On Futility Of Signs Part 2Video Rental | Midwest, USA
Customer: “Are you out of Shrek the Third?”
Me: “Yes, everything I have is out on the shelves.”
Customer: “Oh.”
(Customer goes back into rest of store, comes back to front.)
Customer: “There’s a copy out there that says ‘FOR SALE ONLY’.”
Me: “Mmhm, there sure is.”
Customer: “Can we rent that?”
Not Always Right | This Is What Hell Is LikeTech Support | USA
(I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.)
Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”
Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”
Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?”
Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.”
(Pause.)
Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”
Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???”
Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do, right?”
Tech Support: “No, you were supposed to click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “I thought you said to click ‘Cancel’.”
Tech Support: “NO. I said to click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “Oh.”
Tech Su
Fuck Part 2What can I say about my day well I did not like getting into agrument with my boyfirend basically saying you I'll never have a girlfriend that would keep her word about anything and it's my flaut that guys leave me comments on my pictures and sending my message's hitting on me and I am the one that thanked when I use to have Tagged and now that I have again now guys are still leaving me comments on my picture's and it's like I can control what they say to me come on grow the fuck up. And it's my flaut for flirting I did not flirting was a crime and I did not having guy firend's was crime to. I did not know that eveything was my flaut I did not know that I blame for your heart to be brocken I did know that I am the blame for all your pain. I am fucking dune with the fucking bullshit I wish that you can fucking let go and forget about the fucking past there is a saying that fucking gose " Move on with your fucking life and leave fucking shit ithe past " And I can't believe that you have
Working The Drive-thruI was working the morning shift at McDonalds, frying up eggs and such. One day the carline cashier didn't show up so the manager said "You been a drive-thru cashier before, haven't you?" "Yes but I don't want to do that again.""Too bad, you're going anyhow." "Okay but I don't want to be a drive thru cashier, just so you know."
So after showing me the very basic how-to's and whatfor's he was standing there for support. This snot-nosed punk high schooler driving fancy car his parents probably bought for him, plays the big-shot for his girlfriend in passenger seat, pays for his order and then waves off the 12 cent change he had coming. "Keep it"
"Oh! Wow! Thank you, now I'll be able to attend college!"
Manger wasn't happy "You can't be saying that to the customers."
My manager put me back on the egg grill, which is where I wanted to be in the first place. :D
Slipknot~snuffBury all your secrets in my skinCome away with innocence and leave me with my sinsThe air around me still feels like a cageAnd love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage againSo if you love me let me goAnd run away before I knowMy heart is just too dark to careI cant destroy what isnt thereDeliver me into my fateIf Im alone I cannot hateI dont deserve to have youOoh, my smile was taken long agoIf I can change I hope I never knowI still press your letters to my lipsAnd cherish them in parts of me that savor every kissI couldnt face a life without your lightsBut all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fightSo save your breath, I will not careI think I made it very clearYou couldnt hate enough to loveIs that supposed to be enough?I only wish you werent my friendThen I could hurt you in the endI never claimed to be a saintOoh, my own was banished long agoIt took the death of hope to let you goSo break yourself against my stonesAnd spit your pity in my soulYou never needed a
Not Always Right | You Be Telepathic, So I Can Be LazyHome Improvement Store | California, USA
Customer: “I need a door.”
Me: “What kind of door?”
Customer: “You’re the professional!”
Me: “…”
Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”
Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”
Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”
Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”
*throws self out window*
Not Always Right | God I Love Lawyersmedical office | USA
Me: “Okay sir, so I would just need you to verify your information and sign here–”
*Patient cuts me off, snatches the clipboard and gives me this I’m-not-stupid look*
Male Patient: “Listen, I don’t need you to tell me what to do. I’m a lawyer and I know how the system works!” *Sits down and starts looking over the paper work*
(Five minutes later…)
Male Patient: “Ma’am, where did you need me to sign??”
Slipknot~vermillion Pt 2She seemed dressed in all of meStretched across my shame,All the torment and the painLeaked through and covered me.I'd do anything to have her to myself,Just to have her for myself.Now I don't know what to do,I don't know what to doWhen she makes me sad.She is everything to me,The unrequited dream,The song that no one sings,The unattainable.She's a myth that I have to believe in,All I need to make it real is one more reason.I don't know what to do,I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.But I won't let this build up inside of me.I won't let this build up inside of me.I won't let this build up inside of me.I won't let this build up inside of me.A catch in my throat, choke,Torn into pieces, I won't. No.I don't want to be this butI won't let this build up inside of me She isn't real.I can't make her real.She isn't real.I can't make her real.
Not Always Right | Workin' That Tech Support MagicTech Support | Austin, TX, USA
(Customer calls in to a call center and states that he can’t connect to his internet. After about 20 minutes of trying to get the customer to troubleshoot, none of which he can manage to do. The rep figures the cable is simply disconnected, but since the customer can’t troubleshoot they come up with a clever way to fix the problem)
Rep : “Sir, can you unplug that big phone cord looking cable from the box with blinking lights and your main computer box and hold both ends in your hands for me?”
Customer : “Yeah, hold on.” *shuffles around* “Well that was easy. Got it.”
Rep : “Ok, what I need you to do is swing one end of that around above your head as hard as you can. Sometimes bad packets get stuck in the end, making it impossible to connect to the internet.”
Customer : “Alright! One second.” *whooshing in the background* “… Ok, done, Now what?”
Rep : “
Not Always Right | Go On With Yo Bad Ass Diy SelfTech Support | Australia
Caller: “Hello, I’d like some help!”
Me: “Sure sir, how can I help you?”
Caller: “Well, actually I don’t have an account yet. I was wondering if I could talk or send messages to my daughter. She’s in Australia and she has an internet account.”
Me: “Yes sir, that’s possible!”
Caller: “What do I need to do that?”
Me: “You just need a computer and a modem.”
Caller: “Hey, but just have a FAX machine and a TV! Isn’t that enough?”
Me: *controlling the urge to burst in laughter* “I’m afraid not, sir. You’ll need a computer for sure.”
Caller: “YOU KNOW WHAT? You guys don’t wanna help me! I know your types! You just want the fat, rich customers that will buy anything you demand! You know what? You’re not the only ISP in town! Goodbye!” *click*
Not Always Right | The Futility Of SignsPizza/Arcade Combo | Flagstaff, AZ, USA
(One customer complains about a game that is not giving tickets. Upon looking at the game, I discover that a fuse is blown. I place several “Out of Order” stickers over the coin slot and refund the customer. Two minutes later another customer approaches.)
Customer: “I just put a coin in this game and won tickets but none came out.”
Me: “I placed an ‘Out of Order’ sticker on the coin slot. Is it not on there anymore?”
Customer: “You mean these? They were in the way so I removed them. Can I get a refund?”
Not Always Right | Shoulda Told Him To Do Jumping JacksTech Support | Ontario, Canada
(I am in IT for large company, with multiple locations all over the Canada. I got a call from a business unit located in another province)
Customer on the phone: “Hi. My computer is not working.”
Me: “Okay. What’s your name…”
(After 5 minutes I got all the info I needed)
Me: “I'm sorry, I cannot remotely access your computer. I'll have to inform your local IT team to come and resolve this problem. It's 6am in your location and IT starts at 7am. They will come and fix it in an hour.”
Customer: “No. This is critical. You come and fix it.”
Me: “I'm sorry, you probably do not realize that I'm located in Ontario and you are in British Columbia. I cannot come and fix it.”
Customer: “Okay, okay. You’ll come and fix it now?”
Me: “No, there are thousands of kilometers between us. I cannot come and help you.”
Customer: “Okay, okay. Production has s
Not Always Right | No, Your Other LeftTech Support | USA
(The customer was using an older copy of Windows, so I had to ask her a question about what her Explorer window looked like)
Tech Support: “Up at the top it says File, Edit, and View. What does it say just to the right of View?”
Customer: “Edit.”
Tech Support: “No, to the right of View.”
Customer: “Edit.”
Tech Support: “Okay, what’s on the other side of View?”
Customer: “Oh, Tools.”
Tech Support: “Click your left mouse button.”
Customer: “Which one is that?”
Tech Support: “Well, you know your left from your right, so click the button on your left.”
Customer: “Oh.”
Tech Support: “What happened?”
Customer: “Nothing.”
Tech Support: “You did click the left mouse button?”
Customer: “I think so.”
Tech Support: “The one on your left?”
Customer: “Which one was that agai
Not Always Right | Tk421 Is Not PleasedRetail | West Virginia, USA
(A woman gets frustrated after I switch out for a co-worker to go on break on Black Friday)
Woman Customer: “Ugh! That is so frustrating! Why didn’t she wait to leave until I was finished?”
Me: “Ma’am, she’s been here since 3:45 this morning, and she needed a break. Plus, we’re not robots.”
Woman Customer: “Good. I hate robots.”
Not Always Right | Not Just Any Warm Crunchy Bread, Mind YouShort Order Restaurant | Houston, TX, USA
Me: “So, what can I get you?”
Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at menu*
Me, 3 minutes later: “I’ll come ba-”
Hobo: “I want some toast!”
Me: “Okay, toast is all, I’ll be right back.”
Hobo: “Yeah, thats what I want, french toast.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Hobo: “I want some french toast, how much does that cost?”
Me: “Sorry sir, we don’t have french toast.”
Hobo: “Then what do you have?”
Me: “Um…. toast?”
Hobo: “Toast? Whats that?”
*long pause*
Me: “Warm crunchy bread, sir.”
Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm crunchy bread!”
Not Always Right | The Problems With AnalogiesRetail | Eureka, CA, USA
(A customer wanders down the paint aisle I’m working on and asks for advice on which paint to use. I tell him, and he asks for the differences between brands)
Me: “Brand A is just a bit thicker than Brand B. But other than that, they’re pretty much the same.”
Customer: “What do you mean ‘thicker’?”
Me: “The paint has a thicker consistency.”
Customer: “I don’t understand.”
Me: “Do you know what cake batter looks like? And water?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Cake batter is thicker than water, like Brand A is thicker than Brand B.”
Customer: “Brand A is cake batter?”
(It goes on like this for awhile. I ended up leaving him there to contemplate)
Not Always Right | Ba Ba Bee Da Dum Dum Baabookstore | USA
Customer: “Yeah, my son really likes this one band that has a really popular song out right now.”
Me: “Okay…”
Customer: “Well, I don’t know the name of their album, their band name, or the name of the song but the tune is like this: ‘ba ba bee da dum dum baaa.’”
Me: “…”
Customer: *not very happy with me* “Do you have any clue what I’m talking about?”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we can’t really look up ‘ba ba bee da dum dum baaa’ in our computer.”
Customer: “Don’t be a smart a** with me, missy.”
Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, I’m not trying to be a smart a**, I’m just saying there isn’t really any way I can help you unless you have some information I can look up.”
Customer: *yelling* “NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I EVER BEEN TREATED SO DISRESPECTFULLY AT SOME BULLS*** BOO
Not Always Right | July, November, It's All The SameRetail | Kansas City, MO, USA
Customer: “Where is your jewelry?”
Me, standing behind 3 counters filled with jewelry: “Right here, ma’am.”
Customer: “No, the jewelry on sale!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we aren’t having a sale on jewelry this month.”
Customer: “But I was here in July and it was on sale.”
Me: “Yes ma’am, and now it’s November and it’s not on sale.”
Customer: “Well can’t you give me the sale prices anyways?”
Me: “Ummm, no.”
[a Terrifying Realization]Y'know- when I think about it, I only recall getting one quicky over what could be considered a lunch break
...God that's sad.One nooner that was really more of an afternooner/dusker.
And only so many tonsil icings.
...
can we tell where my mind is lately?Must have something to do with not having sex for a year and a half :/
Well... I've had options, but god did I not want them.
See, that's the problem with thinking with my co...nfidence.
I get drunk off of it, and take it beyond flirting out of boredom. Practice rounds, y'know?
I never sacrifice my sexual standards when the time comes, but... the prolonged "yeah I'll call you... yeah we'll get together some other time... yeah... leave me the fuck alone" isn't as good as ... just not escalating to that point and taking off my pants.
*shrugs*
I'm an asshole.You already knew that.
What else did I need to tell you?Uh... nothing really. Par for the course. Still brainstorming danger fish and an outline for my brother....overdue
Selling My Truck2008 Ford F-150 Supper Crew 4x423xxx miles5.4L V-86 1/2' bedBlack on BlackFully loaded:Moon roof, rear sliding mirror, All power, Everything works. The only thing this truck doesn't have is heated seats.Special offer if you would like it. It'll come with a Bed rack, which is black. Sitting on top of it will be a barely used OK Lime Green Frenzy With two matching combos, (5'6" barefoot rods with penn 9/0 reels loaded with 600yards of 80lb Jerry Brown, topped with 60lb mono.) The truck is in clean shape. Nothing wrong with it. No wrecks. Sadly a few small scraps here and there from tree limbs :( 4x4 works good on it. No tares or scratches on the seats.I hate to get rid of the truck, Just needing something a little bigger.Sticker price was 42K. Blue Books at 28K. Take a look at it and lets talk.[IMG]http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n114/redneckmorton/0728082024.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n114/redneckmorton/0728081850.jpg[/IMG][img]http://c1.ac-images.my
Not Always Right | Awesome Customers Do ExistRetail | USA
(8:55 pm: I’m guarding the door at work, waiting for the last couple of customers to finish up and get the heck out. They are going kinda slow, but I can’t kick them out because they were in the store before we close.
9:05 pm: They finally got what movies they wanted and are just about to pay when another guy tries to come in)
Late Customer: “Hold on please! I just need to get one thing!”
Me: “Sorry sir, it’s past 9pm. These are the last customers for the night.”
Late Customer: “But all I want to get is a PS2. Why can’t you get it for me?”
Me: “Because you came in after 9, we want to close up.”
Late Customer: “But they are getting stuff.”
Me: “They were in here before 9.”
Late Customer: “So you aren’t gonna help me? I wanna speak to your manager! Are you the manager?”
(This is the fun part, one of the women buying stuff chimes in)
Woman Customer: &ld
Not Always Right | Genres Are For WeaklingsVideo Rental | Pennsylvania, USA
Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”
Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”
Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”
Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)
Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”
Customer: “JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”
Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”
Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*
Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.&rdqu
Not Always Right | Why Can't You Be OmniscientTravel Agent | Tampa, FL, USA
Customer: “Do other places besides Disney sell Disney tickets?”
Me: “I believe so, but I only have information about the tickets we sell.”
Customer: “How much do other places charge?”
Me: “I don’t have any information on other ticket resellers.”
Customer: “Is it cheaper if I buy tickets somewhere else?”
Me: “Sir, I don’t know anything about other places, only Disney.”
Customer: “Will they add the no expiration option for me?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Customer: “Can you give me names and contact information for other ticket places?”
Me: “Sir, I can only help you if you wish to purchase tickets directly from Disney.”
Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re being unhelpful!”
SaluteHi there,
I need some help raising some cash. Therefor I sell boobies salutes. Would you like one? Let me know...Fu$ 500,000 Dead cheap huh.
MUAH
Not Always Right | See Children, This Is Why You Stay In SchoolDeli | Michigan, USA
Customer: “I’d like 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”
Me: “Do you mean two packages?”
Customer: “No, I want 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”
Me: *blank stare*
Customer: *heavy sigh* “5 chops, wrapped 2, 2 and 1. See, wrapped in twos.”
Not Always Right | (telepathic) Help WantedVideo Rental Store | Michigan, USA
Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”
Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”
Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”
Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”
Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”
Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”
Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”
(Customer storms out)
Not Always Right | Even Bosses Have A Stupid QuotaSandwich Shop | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Customer: “I’d like pineapple on my sub.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have pineapple. Only Mr. Sub has pineapple.”
Customer: “Yes you do! I always get pineapple here!”
Me: “I’ve worked here for quite a while, and we’ve never had it. Sorry!”
Customer: “Excuse me, the customer is always right! You can’t argue with me!”
Me: “Um…”
Customer speaks to my manager: “Excuse me, your employee is arguing with me! What are you going to do about it?”
Manager: “Don’t be so stupid! Get out of my store!”
Not Always Right | Shh, They Are Listening Right Now!University | Canada
Me: “**** University, how my I help you?”
Phone client: “What is this about you recording my call? Are you guys working for CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service)?”
Me: “No sir, we record some calls in order to ensure the quality of our service. What can I do for you today?”
Phone client: “Are you recording my call right now?”
Me: “I don’t know sir. Management records call randomly.”
*Hangs up*
Not Always Right | Time To Call The PlumberTech Support | Tel Aviv, Israel
Me: “Internet helpdesk, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I can’t connect to the internet.”
Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”
Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”
Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”
Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”
Me: *grimace*
Not Always Right | The Return Of Captain ObviousIce Cream Shop | Florida, USA
Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”
Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”
Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”
Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”
Not Always Right | A Lost CauseHome Improvement Store | USA
(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)
Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven gallon tank?”
Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”
Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”
Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”
Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”
Not Always Right | The Surer They Are, The Stupider They GetTheme Park | Lagoon, UT, USA
(I work in a burger stand)
Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”
Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”
Me: “Umm…would you just like a hamburger?”
Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”
Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”
Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”
~saosin~love Maker~Run away and play your gamesHide well so I can't find youI'll wait for summer to comethen laugh as the trees burn down around youyour body was just a test for meand if I run as fast as I can the thought of your memorywill catch up with mewill catch up with meI'm always late with my wordsWe tried so hardI should have told youbut I never really caredyou always mislead meYou always got the worst of meIts a shame that your still lying broken hereIn this moment everything just seems so clearbecause,Her body was just a test you seeIf you run as fast as you canthe thought of my memory will catch up you seeI'm always late with my wordsWe tried so hard, we tried so hardI should have told youbut I never really cared atYou always mislead mewhen summer passes, I'll let goand if you don't feelthen just take yourself outand when summer passes let me knowso I can find meaning to liveI'm always late with my wordsWe tried so hard, we tried so hardI should have told youbut I never really cared atYou alw
Not Always Right | For The Money I Pay, It Should Drive ItselfCall Center | Washington, USA
Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rear view mirror?”
Me: (Wasn’t sure if she was serious) “Well, you must manually adjust your rear view mirror.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Umm…take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”
Not Always Right | Internet = Tubes, Word = SheetsComputer Lab | USA
Woman 1: “What is that little trash can on the screen?”
Woman 2: “My son says that is called the ‘recycle bin’. He tells me when I don’t want a Word document anymore and I delete it, it really goes in there.”
Woman 1: “Why in the recycle thingy? Can’t you just erase it?”
Woman 2: “Oh no, Word wouldn’t work for very long if I did that, I would run out of blank pages.”
Woman 1: “Why?”
Woman 2: “Because it cleans the words off the pages, then sends the blank sheets back to Word so they can be used again. That’s why it’s called the recycle bin.”
Not Always Right | Jeff Foxworthy Would Be ProudMovie Theater | Madisonville, KY, USA
Customer: “Two tickets for Madagascar.”
(After the previews, he returns)
Customer: “I want my money back!”
Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
Customer: “You have the wrong movie playing in there, its a cartoon. Where’s the cars?”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, Cars?”
Customer: “Nascar! I wanted to see Mad about Nascar!!”
Me: “…let me get the manager.”
Not Always Right | It's Okay, She Has A Thick HeadConstruction | USA
(While installing a street light pole)
Lady: “Is this going to take long?”
Me: “Ma’am, I need to you step back.”
Lady: “But is this going to take long? I need to get to my car.”
Me: “Ma’am… I need to you step back.”
Lady: “Is there someone else I can talk to?”
Me: “Ma’am… you have a 1 ton concrete pole directly over your head. If it drops, you are going to die. I need you to please step back.”
Lady: “Ok… but can I get to my car?”
Me: (I yell to my job foreman) “…Hillbilly!”
Hillbilly: “GET THE F*** OUT!”
Lady: “I never met anyone so rude.”
Not Always Right | Bitter Racism, Please Meet Sweet IronyGas Station | Louisiana, USA
*Customers runs in frantically*
Customer: “How much is y’all’s gas?”
Me: “It’s posted outside, $2.78 a gallon.”
Customer: “DAMN SAND NI**ERS ALWAYS HIKING UP GAS! I’M GOING DOWN THE STREET!”
*returns 10 minutes later*
Customer: “Let me get 10 on pump 3.”
7thSeventh Level of Hell
Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who f
Not Always Right | Someone Needs To Get Out MoreVet | Unknown Location
Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”
Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”
Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”
Caller: “No.”
Me: “Where is it located?”
Caller: “On his tummy.”
Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash or an abrasion?”
Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”
Me: “That’s his p****.”
Caller: *hangs up*
Stabbing Westward- What Do I Have To Do?You make it hard to breathe It's as if I'm suffocating And when you're next to me I can feel your heartbeat through my skin It makes me sad to think This all could be for nothing I wish there was a way For you to see inside of me I've never felt this way About anyone or anything Tell me What do I have to do to make you happy? What do I have to do to make you understand? What do I have to do to make you want me? And, if I can't make you want me What do I have to do? I know exactly what you're thinking But I swear this time I will not let you down I'm not as selfish as I used to be That was a part of me that never made me proud Right now I think I would try anything Anything at all to keep you satisfied God I hope you see what loving you would do to me All I want is one more chance, so tell me... What do I have to do to make you love me?
Not Always Right | Actually, You Look Like A C-cupRetail | Minnesota, USA
Customer Looking at Batteries: “My friend asked me to pick her up some D batteries, but I’m not sure which ones to get.”
(Customer holds up a package with 10 D batteries in it and a package with 12 D batteries in it)
Customer: “What’s the difference between 10D and 12D? I don’t want to get the wrong ones.”
Not Always Right | 911 Grab Bag: Define Emergency911 Call Center | West Virginia, USA
(The following quotes are from various phone calls made to a West Virginia 911 line)
1. “What are the Daily Pick Four lottery numbers?”
2. “My TV is out.”
3. “How much snow/rain are we supposed to get?”
4. “Is it illegal to tape a cat to a bottle rocket?”
5. “I want to report a fraud. The government is lying to us all.”
6. “How high are gas prices going to get?”
7. “Why am I getting Error Message #781 on my computer screen?”
8. “I have never roasted a turkey before and my inlaws will be here in an hour.”
9. “I am reading this recipe. What is fennel?”
10. “I am doing my homework. What is the square root of 435?”
11. “Are crabs in season?”
12. “I wanna talk to a cop about my child support if you can drag one away from the donut shop.”
13. “I just wanted to make sure you were all awake.&rd
Not Always Right | ...and We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us.Frozen Yogurt Shop | Pasadena, CA
Customer: “Are you Hispanic?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Middle Eastern?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “Egyptian?”
Me: “No.”
Customer: “What are you?”
Me: “Chinese.”
(customer puts on offended face)
Customer: “I don’t appreciate you treating me like I’m dumb.”
Me: “Excuse me? I’m being honest.”
Customer: “NO CHINESE PERSON WOULD EVER HAVE EYES AS BIG AS YOURS!!!”
Me: *mouth wide open*
Not Always Right | Four Words: Bow, Chicka, Bow, BowElectronics Store | USA
(Working as a manager for a retail electronics business, I have a customer come in with a DVD player in a box, opened)
Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”
Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”
(I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)
Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”
(I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)
Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”
(Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I ha
Look, Im In A Movie!!!!!!!!!!So this local movie director producer is doing a piece on nocturnal people.
people who work alone, at night..
I have my own selection from the film
http://vimeo.com/7220024
Not Always Right | When Nomenclature Goes AmokTech Support | USA
Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”
Customer: “That’s why I hate this ‘Windows’–because of the icons–I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to-”
Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘industry terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet…it’s a ‘little picture’, okay?”
Customer: *hangs up*
Not Always Right | Ask A Stupid Question...Bookstore | Sacramento, CA
Bookstore Customer: “Do people donate all these books to you?”
Me: “Yes. We show up for work every morning and there are boxes of valuable books sitting at the front door.”
Bookstore Customer: “Wow, really! I could open a book store?”
Me: “Sure!”
Bookstore Customer: “If I opened a store, how would people know where to leave the books?”
Why I Shouldnt Join The NsaWhy shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in
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